Does the blame game leave you feeling unsatisfied and unhappy? Does expressing your emotions in terms of who is right and who is wrong ever leave you feeling worse than when you started. Fortunately, you can improve your relationships and the quality of your life by following three easy steps.

One way to start being happier is to understand what it is that's causing you to feel tense and angry in the first place. Start by listening to the things that you are saying to yourself. Most likely, every upsetting thought you have has to do with things that you "don't want" and is focused on who's "right" and who's "wrong".

Take these thoughts for example: "They should know better than to lie to me!" ('They're wrong!') "If they really cared about me, they wouldn't act like that!" ('They're wrong!') "They shouldn't interrupt me when I'm talking!" ('They're wrong!')

Take a look at how these thoughts focus on the things a person won't want to have happen: They don't want people to lie, they don't want people to not care for them, and they don't want people to interrupt them. When you focus on the things you don't want, it can be very easy to fall in to the trap of the "Blame Game".

How do we learn this game? From a tender young age we have been taught that it is very important to be able to distinguish who's right and who's wrong, what's appropriate and what's not. We are taught this by the adults who surrounds. They played this game with us, and now it seems as though it's the only game we all know how to play.

The trouble is we have lost sight of the things that are really important to us. We have become embroiled in others affairs, becoming quite good at laying blame for deeds done, who's right or wrong, identifying what we don't want instead of what we do.

What's worse, partaking in this game can drain you--a cause of stress that diminishes your sleep, attitude, and finally, your happiness. The "You're wrong, I'm Right" game creates cycles of pain, confusion, and discomfort. If you find that you feel uncomfortable when pondering the same issue more than three times, it is likely that the cycle has begun.

Consider this, vicious circle: frustration and anger cause stress, which affects how you feel. These feelings help determine how you interact with others. If those interactions don't go smoothly, frustration and anger grows, which causes more stress. We play the "Right/Wrong Game" whenever we dwell on old hurts or upsetting situations. And remember everyone who plays that game loses. Nobody wins in the Blame Game. We suggest that you learn to break free from this cycle now.

The good news is that there is a simple choice to made as to whether to continue playing the game or not. The Course in Miracles, sums up the choice in this way, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"

How to Free Yourself

Instead of trying to be right all the time or focusing on what you don't want, learning to identify, quickly, what it is that you do want is a key ingredient. This idea is the secret to finding genuine happiness and breaking the never-ending cycle of anger and frustration.

More than just desire is needed to stop playing the "Right/Wrong Game and wishing your anger to magically evaporate will not work. As with all things it will take developing the skills and strategies needed to identify the cycle and to put it to a halt. "Right/Wrong" thinking is a bad habit that can be broken with a little conscious effort.

You can start playing a new and improved game. It only takes three steps.

Step One: Your Feelings Are Your Guidance System

We've previously covered why we tend to fixate on who's right and who's wrong thinking and the habit of assigning blame. How this tendency leads to more discomfort, which we're happy to say is a key component in your emotional alarm system. It warns telling you something that deeply matters to you is absent in the situation. This discomfort can guide you back to what you truly value and a much more happy life. Use these feelings as a reminder to focus on what's important.

Step Two: Pinpoint Exactly What it is You DO WANT

It's key to know what you "do want" in a given situation. This makes sure you have something to navigate toward, rather than getting stuck on thoughts about what you don't want. If you catch yourself fixating on what you dread, flip the thought and figure out what you want to steer toward instead. For example, in a situation where you catch yourself worrying that people will betray you, flip it, and ask yourself "what do I want?" you might answer: "I want to be able to trust this person." And trust, is the thing you want most in the situation.

If you feel upset or irritated, and find yourself thinking things like "If they actually cared, they wouldn't have done that to me!" then caring, being accepted as part of the group, and consideration are things that probably matter to you a great deal. So, your "do want" is to have people demonstrate, through their actions, that they care what matters to you.

You need to be able to identify what's most important to you before you can figure out how to get it.

Step Three: Take Charge!

Now that you have figured out what's most important to you in the situation, it's possible to make a plan of action. Do your best to focus on what you do want and avoid focusing on what you don't want. In order to have more trusting relationships, identify something you can do to achieve that trust and if you want caring, then come up with something you can do that will generate caring.

Even taking a tiny action in the direction of what you "do want" is better than sitting around and suffering. When you start to take action, you will begin to notice your anger and tensions melting away! Indeed, you can free yourself from the "Right/Wrong Cycle" by working towards those things which you really want. By taking immediate action, you start down the path that leads to a stress free, happier life.

Are you ready to change your focus and play a new game? Sign up for our thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com/cmd.php?ad=317928. Each tip offers unique self-help skills and personal growth techniques to help you in focusing on the things that are most important to you. Or visit us at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com